A Paper Tiger

“would you rather me believe you to have few vices or see you as honest? for the moment i find you dishonest, i have found your greatest fault, and the path that leads to all others.”

now, the real question is, did i make this up a few years ago during a trip to california, or did i read it somewhere?

regardless, it looks like i scrawled it on this notepad in near-to-complete darkness.

i’m almost done reading The Shack and among all the thoughts and ideas and revelations and emotions and truths it brings to mind, one thought stands out to me:

i am so tired of reading things like these, words like these, amazing truths like these…

and then doing nothing with them.
and changing nothing with them.
and forgetting half (or more) of them.

and i don’t know if this time anything will change either.
i just know that i’m tired of not seeing that revolution that should be.

so i’m going to sit here with my tragically neglected guitar and play amazing grace for a while because it suits me.

life is so beautiful. so scarily beautiful. we hide from our “if only.”

my puppy is so low to the ground that when she sneezes she hits her head on the floor.

it’s so cute and so sad at the same time.

this is what coming home will be like for you this evening:
(no other scenario is possible)

imagine.

you open the door to your lovely home and smile as your canine companions wag their tails in happy greeting. you take a few steps towards the light switch but then pause as you catch a delightful scent in the air. is that… why, it smells as if the floors have been recently cleaned with a Swiffer(r) brand wet mop, leaving the house smelling playfully fresh like a warm summer breeze! you make your way to the light switch and bathe the room with a warm, fluorescent glow. you can’t help but notice that the room seems different somehow. somehow like it’s also recently been swept clean of dirt and dog hair using a standard broom! and you can’t help but grin as you think that a common household dustpan was probably used too.

but it doesn’t stop there.

you travel room by room throughout out the house, and find that each one has been lovingly swept clean of the reoccurring dirt and dust that plagues every home week after week. even the basement!*

and that’s not all!

the dishes have been washed and are quietly awaiting their return to the cupboards. the laundry is also done!**

lastly and certainly not leastly, there’s more ice cream in the freezer.
rejoice!

the end.

*(partially) (where it was really bad) (you know, in that main area there next to the washer and dryer) (it looks a ton better, trust me)
**(pending removal from the dryer)

once again it is a very nice fall day outside and i am once again heading into work for the rest of the night.  i just want to get some things done.  please be nice out on saturday and/or sunday when i have the day off!

i meant to do the dishes but got distracted and cleaned the gutters instead.

interesting.

i think i just drank the most delicious milk i’ve ever had in my entire life so far.

Distortion is the title of the game i’m designing with my group in class.

i am SO EXCITED about it right now.  my other group-mates and i wish it was real so that we could play it.

i can’t describe it to you really because i have to take the time to write out something clear and concise to explain it.  right now it’s just a lot of details in a list and ideas on my head.

but the game we’re making as a group was completely out of my head. the others are totally contributing to it and it’s helping a lot creatively, but this is my baby being birthed.  my digital baby.

i’d really like to make this game someday. being a game designer really would be pretty fun. i like fueling the creative side of the process.

i can say though, that the game is a sidescrolling shooter in which you pilot a ship that operates via sound.  music plays a huge role in the game and your effectiveness relies on your rhythm skillz.

i’m totally nerding out about this.  :)

and i’m just generally pumped about life right now and i needed this boost, this spurt of enthusiasm to kick me out of a kind of low funk i’ve been in over the last couple of days.

i’m so pumped that i’m going to go cook a real dinner. all by mahself. and i will feel accomplished.

i want winter break.

not really the break itself, but the way it used to feel.

i didn’t have to be doing anything. i could do only things i wanted to.

or nothing, if that’s what i wanted to do. there weren’t things that had to be done.

i could start in finish a video game in the same week.

read a book.

watch some movies or a bunch of episodes of a series.

but i figure i’m probably just complaining. and i shouldn’t, because i’ve got a pretty awesome and blessed life going here. it’s just that free time isn’t something i’ve got a ton of. and when i do have it i usually don’t have much energy to do the things i’ve wanted to. cycles.

but seriously, all i’ve wanted to do these past two days is work outside. rake some leaves or walk the dogs or anything.  it’s been so nice outside and it’s been such a shame to be at work until the sun goes down. i hope the nice weather holds out through next weekend, when i have a day off again.

life is good. don’t let words fool you into thinking otherwise.